Perhaps we all have our little secrets that we have no intentions of telling anyone...have no intentions of letting slip out so that we ourselves are revealed into the light of day where the rest of the world may see who/what were truely are. These secrets can cause us such grief and pain...can cause others to turn completely away from us...can cause our lives to take another turn towards another path in life. Some are open with these secrets...some are not for they know what dismay comes with the truth of their secret lives...instead, they choose to secretly seek out others like themselves so that they are not lonely any longer, so that they perhaps may have a companion to interact with from time to time. *warm smile* But then the rest cannot bear it, the secrets in which they harbor so within themselves, so then they set out to end the burdens that they so heavily carry. Of course this is not good, but it is often unpreventable. 
Suppose that should be enough as far as my rambling goes...After all, I don't suppose I truely make any sense at all....*warm smile* Perhaps I shall someday.

Actually, I am not. I am somewhat of a mangled corpse in which walks the face of this earth searching for a lost love...a lost love in which shall be lost forever.(Hmmm...that really sounded good, didn't it?) Meh,
whatever. Tis' been...a month and a few days since my last journal post...wow...that's somewhat amazing, wouldn't you agree? No need to worry, nothing is "up" with me, as one would put it. *sigh* I am just having a few complications here and there...and to be honest I have actually forgotten about LiveJournal.com for the moment. I'm not sure how long I have come back to stay. All I know is that I am here now at the present time with very few words to express with my fingers. So...good evening...and if I do not get back before the Holidays...Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.

A lot has happened in the past few months. As I look back on it only one word comes to mind, "WOW"...The current events leave me somewhat speachless actually...for once in my life. What do you know? Lately for the past few months it's been nothing but Pagans, Pagans, Pagans yacking, yacking, yacking in my ear (rather over the net) to try to confuse me and get me off my set path in life. It's like the world is surrounded by Pagans, Wiccans, "VAMPIRES", Werewolves, and Druids...What's next? Frankenstein's Monster? The Mummy? The Invisable Man? Oh no doubt there are those in this world that claim to be shape shifters! Always about 3 or 4 months before Halloween I have this problem...At least for the past two years. *sigh* Hey, I believe that you can believe in whatever you want to believe in...It's not my place to judge you, condem you, nor tell you what to do nor how to believe...let alone how to think. I try to keep my thoughts to myself...I try to keep my beliefs to myself until someone tries to step all over them and make them look like such small futile fragments of nonsense. *sigh* I just lost this friend yesterday because she turned away from God. Hey, normally to me that is her business, not mine. But she goes to a Catholic school and about a month ago she loved God...but now she despises Him something fierce and I cannot figure out why. And she has picked up on a few strange things such as talking about other dimensions and realms and that we all have other souls inside of us and blah, blah, blah...It's enough to drive one to the nut house and into a rubber room! Like I said, normally, it would just be her business and it still is just "her business"...but I am concerned for her and I don't know what to do. I defended God all that I could at the moment because I was so spellbound because she was so turned against God. I didn't know what to say...I was shocked! So I just left her...I signed out of YAHOO messenger and that was the end of it...so far. I'm thinking that I should just block her and forget about it. I should just let her go her own way...I do not want to cause her anymore problems and I sure as hell do not want to inflict "my religon" upon her now that she has chosen a different path in life. I know what it is like to have someone try to shove something down one's throat...it does not feel good at all. I try my hardest to keep my thoughts, religon, anything worth inflicting upon others to myself. I do not want to be responsible for the down-fall of others. Besides, it is not my place to "lead" anyone around...nor to "convert" as they say, anyone to "my side"...I leave them be. The way I see it is if it is in their hearts to love God or to love a certain thing...they will come through sooner or later. They always do. If it is meant to be it will happen...all in good time. But as for my dearest friend, I am worried for her...this "other soul" seems to be taking over her...oh, it is not a bad "other soul"...but I think it just seems to be a "split personality"...But no matter...She is none of my concern anymore...I will keep track of her through the forum in which I reside at with her...but that is all.

Unspoken words with a fearless heart hold together my world whenever it begins to be crumble apart.
He watches over me with eyes so vivid as I start to dream yet he goes throughout my life remaining in the darkness forever unseen.
Each day my life brings on a meaning all brand new as he whispers those three simple words one longs to hear, "I love you."

Don't really know what to say...there's nothing much to really talk about...meh, whatever. The fictionpost.com site is down at the moment due to some update changes...that makes me sad. I love that site and really want to be on it right now. =( Boo-hoo. Eh, whatever. Nothing to lose sleep over. Glad to see that _andrew80_ is doing better. =) I'm bummed about not being able to go do something for Halloween...I'll just be staying home and crap...but perhaps next Halloween I'll do something. *creepy thought* Perhaps I don't want to even think about it. \/^^\/ *sigh* All isn't well in my little corner of the specimen. It sucks ass more than anyone could ever dream of. But perhaps I won't start complaining now.

...Yes, I am still a live...unfortunately...I am still kicking...Meh, whatever. I feel like I have been dead for years but apparently (according to doctors) I still have a pulse rate, so, my dear confused children, I am still alive...but mind you, I am not doing well. Eh, whatever. No matter...nothing else matters much anymore. Perhaps not to me anyway. Depresson has set in and it seems to be taking up homestead permanatly. My psych. wanted me to go to a depresson group but...as I decided that he is a bigger fruit-loop than I...I have come to the conclusion that I need not go. Eh, who needs to go to some fucked up depresson group where you just sit around in a frigging circle and talk about your troubles in which NO ONE wants to hear about? Half of the people in the room are tuneing (sp) you out anyway! So why waste your glorious breath on complete strangers when you can just stay home and confuse as well as corrupt your dear old blessed mother? Point taken, I suspect. Meh, whatever. I hope _andrew80_ is doing alright. He seems to be down a bit. Wonder what happend in his little world that made him so down in the dumbs? Whatever happened, I pray that he finds happiness soon enough...He deserves to be happy, as does everyone. Well...suppose since I really have nothing else better to put in this little box of a thing...I should be well on my way to more disgusting torment from others. So, I'll see you all later.

The black rose...like it I am crushed.
The black rose...like so I lie upon the ground untouched.
I am much like the black rose in which is torn from its birth place, the bush, and is ripped to shreds by the hands of others, perhaps his hands.
This black rose in which I can relate to so much in fact I can feel its pain, its sorrow, its heart each time it breaks everytime a being takes it in their montrous hands and scatters its petals upon the land so that their steps they may retrace.
I am torn from the world and I lie upon the shivering ground of society feverish from the heartache he caused me.
Like the black rose that lies beside of me shredded I know I will never again be happy.

Tearing my world apart, he took out his knife and carved his initials upon my broken heart.
Crumbling slowly, I fall to the ground before his feet for I have met my match and this is my dastardly defeat.
Breaking into a million pieces, my soul has become lost once more for it has no need for redemption and now lies crying on the cold bathroom floor.
He carved his initials into my heart...
He sought out vengeance in my life in which is so dark.
Ripping me apart, I can see the joyful tears in his eyes just as I begin to break beneath this mask of hollow lies.
There is no need for this bewitching disguise...for I know where his loyalty lies...
It lies with she, the one who made him bend down on his knees.
It lies with she, a crowned sorceress of the darkness where I once ran free.

Like I really have anything to say worth listening to? Nope, I don't. Guess you're just out of luck. Poor you...LOL. =P Oh god, I'm so fucking bored...Anyways....so like this dude....I'll call him "the pain in the ass ex" has been pestering the fuck out of some of my friends. Yeah, he's been like e-mailing them and leaving dumb-ass e-mails...fucker. Hope he falls in a damn hole that is filled with spikes and well, you know the out come of that one...HEHE....Oh, I'm so evil. And you know what? I love every goddamn minute of it too. So there! Yeah, it's hell living with me. So what? Yeah, it's not easy dating me...so? Maybe I'm what they call "a hard pill to swallow"... So? Eh, whatever, right? Least I don't play with explosives in my spair time... I make them.. Just picking! =P Well...anyways...that about raps it all up...I'm bored, don't have the time to write in this godforsaken thing, and you probably don't have time to read it. So later. =P